Ryan Asks – Why Is It Hard For Gay Men to Find LOVE?


A COACHING Conversation With Ryan 

I had an interesting conversation with Ryan, a young man living South East Asia.

“When I was 21, in my prime and looking magnificently hot, going to bars and indulging myself to casual hookups was routine. Every now and then my phone would ring and party invitations from beefy guys were coming in like crazy… – well, that was then….what about now?

Flash forward beyond 2016 and so many my age think…

As I go beyond my younger years, party invitations are being replaced with ‘errands’ and going out to ‘cut one out of the heard’. This is not what I expected for my life. So many good-looking, not to mention younger guys crowd the place my friends and I once reigned supreme. For many of us going home at the end of the evening brings a sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction. — it’s just me, myself and I. Where’s my hug, cuddle  and kiss goodnight”


  • Every gay man I know wants to have a sexy, stable sizzling hot partner that can fulfil every need.
  • The more you dream of  “that” perfect guy, the more you likely you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
  • No one is perfect, not you, him, or even your fantasies so get over it, manage your expectations and adjust your approach!

Get perspective by friend…..

Let’ chat about your sense of growth, significance, contribution , connection or belonging – Dan Trepanier

Grindr, GROWLr  or Scruff apps may give you a quick hit of gratification but don’t expect love to come from the swipe of an app. We’re all looking for some form of  significance, connection or belonging but a little context goes along way my friend.   Read What Purpose Do Gay Sex Dating Apps Play?

Has anything changed today? WHY IS IT HARD FOR ME TO FIND LOVE?

Apparently, this isn’t a solitary issue but rather a mutual feeling that most LGBTQ people ask themselves on a regular basis. Even if you look good and feel sexy, finding love isn’t as as straight forward as plucking a guy from your favourite sexting app.

Our discussion turns to the age-old question. Why is it that love won’t come my way as easily as it appears to for others?

“I can’t remember the last time I did exercise? or updated my looks. It’s been a while since I engaged in a conversation that actually mattered.  Some days I look in the mirror and can’t help but wonder if there is something else I could do to improve my appearance or approach on life. Although love is skin deep, let us not forget that physical appearances do make a big difference in getting you foot in the door — catch my drift?

Tips and tricks to find the right guy will give you some satisfaction but at the end of the day, it’s all about your main goal in life and how you define success for yourself. It’s about doing what matters to live and work on your own terms.”


Is it possible that Ryan has this image of how life SHOULD BE and when expectations are not met he gets a bit disappointed?

…. I am just envious when I see someone living happily with his boyfriend. If I find the right guy, then I will be ready to commit and surrender myself to him. So you see Dan dating really my top most priority — I have to find a man!

I asked Ryan if his happiness has to be conditional upon finding that ideal partner?  After all I know a ton of people who are blissfully single.

Ryan’s life as a  young gay man presents the types of challenges many of us face.  Someone once said … ‘if you keep doing what you do then you will keep getting what you’ve got’


Let’s Have a COACHING Conversation!

Why Is It Hard For Gay Men to Find LOVE?

I would love you even If you didn’t exist. This is the thought many single gay guys nurture in their minds. Those who are desperately seeking ‘’the perfect guy’’ often make him up. They create a concept of the ideal partner, so no wonder it becomes impossible for them to find him in reality. Still, they miss their future boyfriend like someone is paying them for it.

I had a conversation with a 21 year old gay guy from South East Asia who finds it difficult to find love. Check it out

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal & Wellness Trainer