Why It’s OK To Talk About LGBTQ Open Relationships

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Why It's OK To Talk About LGBTQ Open Relationships

Silence is a type of breakup. So, let’s stay together and talk about open relationships, whether we choose to be in one or not.

What is more important in love– to be happy and free (and to let others be happy and free) or to follow the conventions?

Even though you probably chose the first option, it seems like freedom in open relationships provokes plethora of taboos in LGBQT community.

Living and working on your own terms includes debunking the myths society holds about open relationships. 

The taboos associated with alternative approaches to love can discourage people interested in exploring different ways live life on their own terms – and the terms of those near and dear to them.

  • Monogamy is rare in animals. Only about 3-5% of them practice lifelong monogamy.
  • In humans, it’s only slightly more common. If you look at pre-industrial cultures, which until about 50 years ago meant most of the cultures on earth, 80% practiced some sort of non-monogamy.

Do not fixate on broad generalizations about what makes your relationship work or not. One thing is for sure. There are pro’s and con’s to both sides of the argument.

  • My role in pulling these subject resources together is to encourage conversations on a topic that seems to resonate with so many people.

 

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal Wellness Training

 

Living and working on your own terms includes debunking the myths society holds about open relationships. 

The taboos associated with alternative approaches to love can discourage people interested in exploring different ways live life on their own terms – and the terms of those near and dear to them. 

  • Monogamy is rare in animals. Only about 3-5% of them practice lifelong monogamy.
  • In humans, it’s only slightly more common. If you look at pre-industrial cultures, which until about 50 years ago meant most of the cultures on earth, 80% practiced some sort of non-monogamy.

Do not fixate on broad generalizations about what makes your relationship work or not.

One thing is for sure. There are pro’s and con’s to both sides of the argument. 

  • My role in pulling these limited resources together is to encourage conversations on a topic that seems to resonate with so many people.
  • Here are five interesting resources I found for you. I encourage you to Google the topic further. 

Ground Rules For Gay Open Relationships

Noah Michelson, Dr. Jeffrey Parsons and Mark Brennan Rosenberg join HuffPost Live to discuss open relationships in the gay community.

Youtube—Ground-Rules-For-Gay-Open-Relationships

Why I Never Want to Be Just Like Straight People (And Why You Shouldn’t Either) Noah Michelson is the Executive Editor of Gay Voices at The Huffington Post. In this video he talks about why the gay community doesn’t need to adapt to straight culture.

Queer liberation, for me at least, has always been about exploding broken, dangerous, harmful systems that have kept us oppressed and ashamed of who we are — and I’m not just talking about queer people. Ideally, if and when we are truly equal, it will mean we will no longer judge those — queer or not — who are in “traditional” or “nontraditional” relationships, who do or don’t align with or conform to long-held idea(l)s about what a man or woman should look or act like, who are open and honest about their desires and longings and needs. — Noah Michelson

The Gay Male Couple’s Guide to Non-monogamy

John Sovec, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Pasadena, Calif., encourages his clients to form the most powerful and satisfying bond possible. “I believe gay couples have an incredible opportunity to create whatever type of relationship works best for them without the constraints of a societal norm,” he says. Full Post 

“I would feel comfortable saying that at least four out of five long-term gay male couples are not monogamous,” says Beverly Hills sexologist Winston Wilde. “Monogamy rarely does work for more than two years — for most straight and bi men as well.”

Do Most Gay Couples Have Open Sexual Relationships?

Gay men, like straight people (or at least straight women) do value monogamy. There are, however, different types of monogamy. The vast majority of us embrace the idea of emotional monogamy. In other words, we don’t want someone we’re in a loving relationship with to also be in love with someone else. Among many gay men, however, sexual monogamy is a different story. See the full post. 

STUDY: “Monogamish” Gay Couples Happier Than Single Or Monogamous Guys.

A study conducted through Hunter College confirms what a lot of gay men will tell you: being in a monogamous relationship isn’t the only road to happiness. Surveying more than 800 gay and bisexual men in New York, researchers at the school’s Center for HIV Educational Studies and Training (CHEST) discovered that many subjects received physical and mental health benefits from relationships with some degree of openness.

Ask yourself - Is it possible for you to feel free, happy and careless in monogamous relationship? Do you really get the sense of growth? 

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal Wellness Trainer