How Do Open Relationships Help Us Grow?


How Do Open Relationships Help Us Grow? (B6L)


What does an Open Relationship have to do with living on YOUR OWN TERMS?

Beer without alcohol, coca-cola without sugar, sex without obligations?

Just as some guys like to wear briefs and other prefer jock straps, many guys choose to indulge in relationships that are strictly sexual. It’s not necessary about being scared of intimacy. It is about exploration of the (erotic) self. Sex without love might sound like a losing game because your heart does not get enough points. Still, your life gets many points. You are winning in building life that matters to you. Living on your own terms and not being dependent on anyone is a true touchdown.

There is no final definition of open relationship. In different parts of the world, it has a different meaning. If you are dating someone from another cultural background (a hot Asian twink, for example), it is important to explain your perception of the potential relationship in order to prevent confusion or someone going Britney circa 2007.

First you need to be honest with yourself and know what you want. Afterall, real connections are all about being sincere, no matter what social conventions and obstacles are.

Selfish or Honest?

In Western culture, open relationship is what most of us consider it is. It is a non-monogamous relationship in which both sides do not sacrifice their sexual drive. The number of guys you sleep with is not restricted to one. Libido is free.

Having sex outside your primary relationship is like travelling to another country: it is a new territory, there are some boundaries and rules you need to respect but once you come back home, you have no obligations towards the foreign country.

In my opinion, open relationship is a significant piece of a meaningful life puzzle.

If you decide to be with someone who wants to control you, you are not going to be able to grow, neither cognitively or emotionally. I am not saying all monogamous relationships are yikes. I am just recommending to surround yourself with those who make your branches grow, and not with those who make your roots grow.

Even though wanting open relationship might make you look kind of selfish, isn’t it actually selfish to forbid anyone to sleep with whoever they want to sleep? What often happens when you are not honest to yourself and decide to ignore some natural needs due to conforming to social convention (monogamy) is that you become dishonest to the other person. It is like there is a Bermuda Triangle between your heart, your brain and your mouth. Words are simply missing.

You become insincere and you start acting by looking at the heteronormative society as a role model. Both partners start playing games.

Freedom as a Connection

Growing is also about learning how not to take NO personally. Do not misinterpret I don’t want monogamy as I don’t want relationship with you. It’s not you, it’s what you agree to. Open relationships can be good for shutting down your Ego. Not everything is about you. You do not own the other person. You connect to the other person!

In fact, the less you tend to own someone, the more you belong to each other. Once you have strong feeling of belonging, you will have more confidence to step up and live a meaningful life.

This is a BIG COMPLEX topic with a lot of PERSPECTIVES


How Do Open Relationships Help Us Grow?

Is it selfish to want an open relationship or is it actually selfish to forbid someone to sleep with whoever they want to sleep? Not easy to answer, right?

No one is perfect, but someone is honest. And honesty is often more important element than perfection when it comes to creating a meaningful life. If you can’t be honest with yourself, how the hell are you going to be honest with somebody else.
So, let’s be honest – there might be multiple reasons why open relationship could help you grow as a person.

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal Wellness Trainer