What do you do when your life kind of sucks?

Psychology – Featured

There’s no shortage of difficulties you and I face on a regular basis.

The human condition.
No matter where you live life throws you curve balls.
Some trivial, others major.
Always needing to get better even if already good.
We live in polarized, complex and rapidly shifting times.

The success strategies that worked for your parents won’t necessarily work for you.
You need a new approach.

You ask…..
I am stuck in a rut?
Is this as good as it gets?
Is my life is out of balance?
Why am I always thinking about what is next, never satisfied with what is?
Does my health need to improve?
Is there not enough money or time?
Does it have to bet this way?

Fear, Negativity, Uncertainty
The state of our planet
Toxic people
My age
What other’s think or don’t think?

Solution Focused Brief Discussions with your Mentor Coach are well worth the investment!  I’d be honoured to help you THIS WEEK!

Reframe Self Critical Thoughts – Boost Self Esteem (Worksheet)

Psychology – Featured

Answer these 8 questions to learn more about your self-critical self-esteem thoughts.

Do you struggle with self-confidence or need help to develop your abilities? Let's explore easy to use materials, handouts, articles, or training to guide you through tough situations. ProudLife Mastery resources give you the inspiration and knowledge you need to develop a healthy self-esteem. Our online resources are a fantastic way to educate and reinforce the key lessons from our mentor coaching sessions together.

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal Wellness Trainer

Small Changes Big Impact Actions Change Your Life (Worksheet)

Psychology – Featured

Making big changes in your life can be accomplished with quick and easy actions.

Preparing yourself for any changes in your life can impact the odds of success. Answer these 7 questions to gain a clearer perspective of your situation.

Few things are more difficult than change. Change presents surprising situations that force you into new experiences. If your aren't prepared for this, you will certainly wrestle with change. With ProudLife Mastery, you gain hope as you tackle difficulties head on. I can help YOU get to the heart of a problem and develop effective coping strategies. It's about supporting you to seek and become less flustered with shifting conditions.

Dan Trepanier

Certified, Personal Wellness Trainer

Have You Ever Contemplated or Witnessed Suicide?

Psychology – Featured

The other day a women jumped off the 15th floor balcony of the my building to her death!

I was taking out the recycling when it happened right behind my back. I heard nothing as the grass was soft the birds chirped and the traffic passed.

As I ran up to her just tangled body and looked in her eyes it was evident she was very dead.

My heart went out to the young man who was in the unit with her just before she jumped and came running down to wait for the first responders to arrive.

Was she his mother, relative or just a friend visiting? Did they have an argument? What were the moments like leading up to her leap. One can only imagine……

I heard him on the phone as he spoke to the 911 operator. “yes she was intoxicated and just jumped”, he said.

As I heard multiple sirens approach I asked him is he needed help. His response was ‘just leave….just leave theres nothing you can do and they’re on their way’.
I think he was trying to spare me from the gory witness and wanted some privacy to deal with preserving the scene and protect her body from peering onlookers.

He was clearly in shock and desperately trying to keep it together. — I give him credit for his relative calm. If it were me in his shoes I’d be a screaming crying mess!

The image of her twisted body and half open eyes were painfully etched in my mind.

I turned and walked away in disbelief — nauseous and stunned.

I want up to my unit on the 18th floor and watched down below as the paramedics tried to revive her. It was pointless but I think they try anyway knowing people are watching and for the sake of saying they did everything humanly possible.

Moments later they placed an orange blanket over her body and pronounced her dead. For the next 6 hours various teams of police, detectives, and other uniformed personnel worked the scene. Taping it off, measuring, interviewing people.

What freaked me out was seeing her cold motionless body lie there beneath my bedroom windows as the sun set and dark damp still night crept over the scene. - such a beautiful sunset — so ironic.

Why does it take so long to remove her I thought? I’ve heard it takes a while for the coroner to show up but 6 hours ….. give me a break!

As night fell I had to do something to relieve the sense that her spirit floated around my apartment specifically on the balcony.

Ironically I came home from my boat that day to clean off my balcony and tend to my plants.

My partner suggested her presence was my imagination. I can’t go to bed knowing theres a freshly deceased suicide victim lying on the cold damp grass beneath my bedroom window.

I lit a candle and said a prayer. I did not know her but on some level we’re all connected and I know she must have been in profound emotional pain that day.

What brings a person to such despair that they choose to jump to their death in front of others?

Perhaps this was the empathy I was feeling for those involved that was bothering me? An unsettled sense that another human was in tremendous pain and is now transitioning into the afterlife because they’ve had it with this one.

At any given moment how many of the 7.5 billion souls having human experiences want to simply ‘check-out’?

Today my life is such a joyous contrast to their reality. I’m living, loving and learning to the fullest, on my own terms on my own time. My reality is one of profound appreciation, optimism and comfort.

When it comes to dealing with mortal death I’ve always associated the burning of candles as a catalyst to help the spiritual energy of those who have ‘passed’ to move on.

The type of catalyst whereby the warm flicker of a flame is symbolic of some form of communication between the observer (me) and the spirit (them).

The aim of our dialogue is always to resolve an issue. To comfort the one alive (me) and to help the one who’s passed to continue on their journey. For me to get closure and acceptance that they are no longer lingering in limbo within my personal space — unresolved and needing a little nudge to transition to their new afterlife home.

You can be in my space all you want so long as your at peace with your issues and your bringing ‘good-vibes’

Like when I light a candle at Christmas as a way to invite and encourage my mom and dad’s spirits to join us for dinner. — thats OK.

In this case I spoke silently in my head as I lit the white candle long stem candle.

‘This candle is for you neighbour. I don’t know you but I acknowledge your pain, and do not judge you and hope you rest in peace! This candle is to help you transition away from my life space into your own afterlife space. In a few hours when the candles flame has burnt through you will be well on your way and respectfully no longer in mine’ — I said
It was the expression on her lifeless face and the shape of her body I could not get out of my head space. I need to reframe that image from one of morbid damage to one of peaceful rest.

Get out of my space is a polite way to say please do not hover your pain and suffering (if you have any) around me. I NEED CLOSURE to what I just witnessed and when the candle is out the incident will be out of my mind and you will have moved on — out of my life.

Respectfully you were never really in my life a few hours ago as we have never met. Yet today you dominate my world. A world I did not ask you to enter. — I say rather selfishly but in the interest of self preservation.

I was deeply upset and needed my witness to your suffering to leave my psyche.

Today was but one incident in a moment in time and I need to make peace with just happened. Yea none of this was my fault but we’re all witness to something horrible one reason or another.

Perhaps all her spirit needed to hear as is passed near my window was I forgive you, acknowledge you respect your decision. — even though I would not do what you have just done and I do not understand.

Flash back 12 years when at that very same building. I was in a desperate state of despair when, for a thankfully fleeting moment, I too contemplated jumping to my death. Logic and my guardian angel stopped me. — The details a story for another time, it at all.

In retrospect to that time I really did not want to jump. I just wanted the pain to go away. I knew I was not ready to toss myself overboard because just below was a lovely flower bed. I grew more concerned for damaging the flowers and felt sorry for the people that would scrape me up off the ground. — a sign I clearly cared about something and not ready to ‘end it all’ — eh!

I think everyone at some point in their life contemplates the benefits and dire consequences of suicide. Sadly to many follow through.

On that life altering day 12 years ago a little voice inside of me (or perhaps it was my guardian angel) said…”Start over… you have a clean slate and opportunity to start over… AND no X-boyfriend or malicious person place or thing is worth dying over. Take back control and rebuild your life — be re-born and have fun along the way — you are free free free…..

It was a profoundly liberating perspective that catapulted me to grasp on tight to the notion of doing what matters to LIVE LOVE LEARN Life on my own terms and the terms of those nearest and dearest to me. On that faithful day I knew it was not my time to die and that had some unexperienced business left on earth.

PS: I’ve downplayed that little voice inside of me. In reality I believe it was my fathers spirit. I distinctly remember feeling his presence and seeing his face in the corner of the balcony looking at me telling me to step away from the edge.

Can you relate to any of what I am saying? Have you ever had a dark period in your life whereby that little voice inside of you, around you, offered a healthy balanced self determined solution to your problems?

With Love
Dan
xoxox

Destiny Says You’re at the Life Stage You Should Be At

Psychology – Featured

Destiny Says You're at the ProudLife Stage You Should be at

Take the time to stop comparing yourself to others because when you compare you set yourself up for disappointment and the belief that you’re somehow behind or not as successful as your neighbour. Destiny says you're at the #ProudLife stage you should be at. 

Let me elaborate…..

At 20 I was still living with my parents, goofing off with my friends, smoking pot, sitting around the pool all summer and working part-time while attending college. — I was exactly in the developmentally appropriate place of life I should have been — as my life story was meant to unfold.

That 20 something context was no longer appropriate for me in my 30’s or beyond.

As I look back at every decade of my life I would change very little, despite the growing pains. Yes hindsight is 20/20, but in retrospect I’ve come to accept that my ups and down, successes and profound failures are what’s shaped my character to the man I am today.

Had A, B and C not happened I would not have reached D. — it’s as simple as that.

As at this writing I am experiencing a beautiful September Fall day here in Toronto. I’ve just spent the last 5 months doing fine carpentry and other upgrades work on my sailboat. Totally ignoring my online world with no outstanding client commitments to serve.

An uninformed observer could conclude I’m not succeeding at my business. — being a slacker. A wise person would say I’ve just spent the last five months being exactly where I should be. — taking a well deserved break from one project while passionately focusing on another. Project one pays the bills while project two consumes all my money. — Sailboats are money pits for sure! But project B sets the stage to make money next year as I live, work and play from my sailboat and sublet my apartment to someone else — there both connected.

I would gladly spend my last dollar and breath tinkering on #Akiya. (my boat) 6 months of the year!

If you and I had a conversation right now about your life, I’m fairly confident in the end you would conclude that you were at the right place, in the right time, doing the right thing.

Often it’s more a matter of articulating your alignment and comparing that to your actions. Gaining the self-awareness that your outcomes are related, directly or indirectly, to your intentions. You are what you manifest. Manifest love and you get love. Manifest drama and you get drams etc……

This summer I spent over $10,000 on upgrades to my sailboat and made ZERO from my practice (yes I said zero).

Thank god my investments (no debt and lots of savings and wise financial planning over the years) have done well to support my lifestyle THIS summer.

Unless I shift my focus to new capital revenue generation activities I’ll have a financial shortfall next summer. That’s what ZERO effort into my coaching practice gets me if I don’t come up with a practical solution soon.

Don’t get me wrong. When I do have clients I over-serve and strive to exceed expectations. When I don’t have clients — i’m also good.

Winding down my practice for the season gives me the time and freedom to take on new creative endeavours.

In late October when I haul my boat out of the water I will shift back to my practice and accept a few new clients. Then in December and January 2017 I’ll be a relative guest at a Brazilian beach house, immersed in a new culture trying to write a book. I’ll be exactly where I should be and aligned with my higher purpose on a conscious level.

My advice to you is to NOT ask if what you are doing these days is the right thing, but rather to ask if what you are doing is aligned with your higher purpose?

Do you even know what your higher purpose is? Most people don’t. I certainly didn’t for the first half of my life! If you do then bravo!

So man people are subconsciously going through the motions, reacting to whoever the universe throws at them?

It does not have to be this way. With an extra self-awareness and skill development you can make the shift from to-do lists and achievement to alignment with a higher purpose.

To re-align, repurpose and simplify to progress in your career, relationships, and lifestyle joy.Image Dear ProudLife

Destiny Says you're at the ProudLife stage you should be at!

It’s about getting rid of the noise in your life that tells you to do this or do that. The shoulda, coulda, woulda’s in your life.

It's about being YOUR best self as YOU define best.
Starting with the small steps.

Let’s work together to refine YOUR process and experience your breakthroughs.

No hype or bullshit…. Let’s start with a simple series of conversations.

So what specifically am I offering you?

Well for starters an opportunity to develop the daily habits

Dan
xoxox

Embrace YOUR 5 Core Human Needs

Psychology – Featured

 

 

You and I are built upon the manifestation of a kindred spirit fostered by a desire to do what matters, make a difference, share our story. To improve the quality of life one simple act at a time. To be pragmatic yet whimsical every day. To embrace our diversity, foster social inclusion and have fun along the way!Deep down inside you know that you and others like you have the capacity to build a life that matters, to develop the right kind of personal and professional relationships you deserve. - Dan Trepanier

It’s about doing what it takes to live life on your own terms and the terms of those near and dear to you — to be a doer, a giver, a creator, a leader, a mentor, a collaborator and a bit of a challenger of the status quo along the way.

YOU and I need to grow in mind, body and spirit. To feel significant and contribute to life's quality. To belong and connect with others.

"We are all built upon the Five Core Human Needs, which is something deep we all have in common." - Dan Trepanier

The means by which you fulfill needs are limitless. Conscious and subconscious behaviour drives your desire to meet your needs.

  • The need to GROW in mind, body and spirit. 
  • The need to feel SIGNIFICANT and CONTRIBUTE. To do what matters and make a difference. A validation that you that you are appreciated.
  • The need for CONNECTION and BELONGING. We belong when we connect with each other

“Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety.  Out of fear and need for defense and risk. For the sake of progress and growth"  -Maslow 

I want you to contemplate these five power questions over the coming days. The ask yourself IS THERE A VOID SOMEWHERE and WHAT CAN I DO TO FILL THAT VOID? 

  1. What can/are you do/doing to develop your mind, body or spirit today/this week? [GROWTH]
  2. Did you freely and authentically express to others something positive that has significant meaning in your life today?  [SIGNIFICANCE]
  3. Did you contribute TIME, TALENT or TREASURE to someone in need today? [CONTRIBUTION]
  4. Do you feel connected to persons, places or things whereby safety, honesty and expression are real?
  5. Do you have a grounded sense of belonging, as an equal

Happiness is fostered by a daily NEED for Growth, Significance, Contribution, Connection and Belonging, in a resourceful and positive way - Dan Trepanier

"If we aren’t growing, we’re dying" - Tony Robbins.

We all have a need to continually grow and contribute beyond ourselves in a meaningful way

  • What happens if you aren’t growing? What purpose do you have if you cease to grow as a person?
  • If you don’t grow, how can you expect to find significance, make a contribution, connect with someone on a meaningful level?
  • Make personal growth a part of your daily routine

Extra Reading

Personal growth | TED.com

A collection of TED Talks (and more) on the topic of personal growth.
 

Non-Monogamous Relationships - Research Worth Sharing!

    While researching the topic LGBTQ Relationships I stumbled a collection of brilliant pieces of writing/research. Beyond Monogomy: Lessons from Long-Term Gay Male Couples in Non-Monogamous Relationships • Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen, Copyright 2010 I'm sharing this with you and encourage you to visit https://www.thecouplesstudy.com. Enjoy them -- whey offer wonderful insight! Lessons from ...
 

Personal development - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Personal development covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, ...

“A life isn't significant except for its impact on other lives.” - Jackie Robinson

Having or Expressing a Meaning

The need to feel important, needed and special is the first element. This fuels our sense of direction and achievement and manifest itself several ways.

One man’s road to significance leads him to shop until he drops. Yet another man’s path takes him to a local youth hostel to volunteer and support others every weekend.

One guy feels significance flashing his money around at a club. In contrast his buddy escorts a drunk patron home.  Two friends with different actions both fulfilling a need for significance.

“When you cease to make a contribution you die” – Eleanor Roosevelt

We will never become our ideal self without a profound sense of contribution.

  • What is life without contribution?
  • Can you imagine your life without the feeling of giving, caring for or protecting?
  • Can you imagine not receiving the gift of contribution?

“Deep down inside you know that you and others like you have the capacity to build a life that matters.  To develop the right kind of personal and professional relationships you deserve.” – Dan Trepanier

Can you name or describe a feeling better than cuddling up to your significant other or beloved pet?  The closeness and connection you share? Or the belly ache you get after so much laughter with friends who just ‘get’ you? 

Extra Reading  

5 Happy Reasons We All Benefit From Your Kindness

Whats one really nice (kind) thing you did last week and one nice thing you will do this week? Love Life Do What Matters with random acts of Kindness. Join the conversation and share examples of your random act of kindness - Dan Trepanier Kindness creates happiness and builds goodwill with friends, ...
 

10 Wonderful Benefits From Our Mentoring Relationship

YOU mentor me or I mentor you?  Either way let's set our egos aside, switch it up and reap the rewards from our collaborative learning process. The benefits of mentoring are many, and vary from relationship to relationship. Here's my short list of 10 benefits that both YOU and I gain from ... 

 

“There’s no place like home” - The Wizard of OZ

The need to belong is primal. When you belong to a something, you feel that sense that your part of something bigger. That belief your connected.

Where do you get your sense of belonging? Is it through religion, family, community, relationships, friends, online?

The subject of basic human needs and emotions is rich with perspective. Take the time to explore what a few experts in the field are saying.

Extra Reading 

Why do human beings do the things they do? How is it that one person will sacrifice his own life for another, while another will murder a stranger for sheer pleasure? What creates a Charles Manson or a Nelson Mandela? What is the force that drives and shapes all of our emotions, actions, qualities of life, and ultimately, our destinies? https://training.tonyrobbins.com

Belonging | Definition of Belonging by Merriam-Webster

Define belonging: possession—belonging in a sentence.
 

Create A Sense of Belonging | Psychology Today

Mar 24, 2014 ... A sense of belonging often doesn't just happen. The way you think of yourself and others is critical.
 
All of us want to be seen, heard and understood. We especially want this from our partners. We want our partners to say, Yes, I am listening. Yes, I get it. Yes, I understand your pain. I’m sorry it hurts, and I am here. We want our partners to be interested in and to care about what’s happening inside our hearts.
Satisfy Your Five Core Human Needs

Action Questions on 5 Core Human Needs

 

I want you to contemplate these five power questions over the coming days. The ask yourself IS THERE A VOID SOMEWHERE and WHAT CAN I DO TO FILL THAT VOID? 

 

What can/are you do/doing to develop your mind, body or spirit today/this week?

 

Did you freely and authentically express to others something positive that has significant meaning in your life today?

 

Did you contribute TIME, TALENT or TREASURE to someone in need today?

 

Do you feel connected to persons, places or things whereby safety, honesty and expression are real?

 

Do you have a grounded sense of belonging, as an equal

 

Did you know that your life is an hourglass that measures the amount of time you spent embracing your core human needs?
Sometimes, personal growth means seizing the right moment to read the right article. Take a few minutes to read the one below and connect with yourself.

To create, to give, to connect, to belong and to find meaning is all crucial for building the life that matters. You know what you can do to contribute to others today? Share this article and help someone learn how to embrace their basic human needs.

Dan Trepanier

Certified , Personal Wellness Trainer

10 Powerful Assumptions About YOU

Psychology – Featured

 

Let's pre-suppose that these 10 assumptions are beliefs that influence how you live and work on your own terms

  1. The way you see the world is your reality but not necessarily reality itself
  2. As a person YOU work perfectly
  3. All the resources you need are already within you waiting to be discovered
  4. The type of response you get from others is because of the meaning THEY attach to your communication
  5. You cannot not communicate
  6. Every behaviour serves a purpose
  7. There is no failure, only feedback and learnings
  8. Your mind and body are interconnected
  9. What's possible for someone else is certainly possible for YOU
  10. The person or element with the most flexibility will have the most influence

Of the 10 items listed in this lesson which one or two ‘stand out for you’ and what new habit or routine could you develop over the next 21 days? SHARE your answer in the comments section below

1. The way you see the world is your reality but not necessarily reality itself

After all what is reality? You respond to YOUR reality and typically not to someone else. Your reality is based on your interpretations of people, places and things. There billions of people, places and things so therefore there are billions of subjective realities.  Your neighbours reality is not necessarily the same reality as yours.  You do not respond to reality but rather to your internalized map of reality.

2. As a Person You Work Perfectly

You are NOT broken. All behaviour (interpreted as positive or negative) has a structure and serves a purpose. When you understand the structure you can change your results into something more desirable. You function perfectly - warts and all to serve a conscious or subconscious outcome. I believe you make the best choices available at any given time given the resources you have. When you lack the appropriate resources you make compromising and compensating behaviours.

3. All the resources you need are already within you waiting to be discovered

Resources are your internal responses and external behaviours needed to get a desired result. A crappy attitude is a resource and so is a positive one. This belief opens up a world of possibilities for you.

4. The type of response you get from others is because of the meaning THEY attach to your communication

If someone misunderstands you don't assume there is something wrong with them. "It" is what it is.  Your verbal and non-verbal behaviour triggers responses in others -- good, bad or indifferent.

It's not only about a good command of language and delivery (although often that helps). Its more often than not about helping someone deliver to you, the desired response to what you just communicated.  Some would argue that your expectations and intent vibrate to the other person and create a sixth sense perception in other person. This factor could influence their response.

5. You cannot not communicate

Your silences also sends a message. What you don't say or do also has meaning -- just be away of that! You are communicating.

6. Every behaviour serves a purpose

Your behavior is always valuable somewhere at some time. Anger is useful when someone is under attack. Anger out of context may be an attempt to get people to understand. It may not however be useful or gain the desired result.

7. There is no failure, only feedback and learnings

There is a silver lining to every situation and life is about contrast. Without loss you would not know about gain. Light is only perceived compared to darkness - You get my point. Every result gives you information.

8 Your mind and body are interconnected

Each affects the other. Our eye patterns reveal our internal sensory processing. Other behavioral cues are speech, tempo and breathing rate. Just as behavioral cues in the body reflect the functioning of our mind, so accessing a particular behavioral cue can affect functioning of our mind. For example slumping in your chair can make you feel tired.

9. What's possible for someone else is certainly possible for YOU

Individual skills are a function of the development and sequencing of representational systems. Any skill talent or ability that you have can be broken down into its components and taught to YOU. Assuming you do not have severe physiological or neurological damage. If the way you process information (perceptions and your 'representational systems') is not fully developed this can cause some learning challenges for you.

10. The person or element with the most flexibility will have the most influence

This is the Law of requisite variety from systems theory. This means the person with the most options and behavioral choices will control the system. In any field, the top people in that field are those who have the most variety in their behavior. They have choices of behavior that their colleagues don’t.

Any time you limit your behavioural choices you give others the competitive edge.

Footnote

The presuppositions I use are based in NLP  (What is NLP?). They are not pure truth (what is?), but produce useful results. Beliefs can be self-fulfilling. If we believe someone doesn’t like us, our defensive manner can make this a reality. If we believe we can master a skill, we persevere until we do. https://nlp-mentor.com . These are beliefs that guide YOU and have helped guide me in the development of the my coaching practice.