Are You Addicted To That Feeling of ‘Being In Love’ ?

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Most of us are aware that the amazing initial intense feeling of a new love can’t last forever.

One Perspective

Love addicts are desperate for that feeling of being in love. It’s their basic preoccupation. They’re always looking for someone they believe will “make them complete”. They hope and crave love. When they do find it, they are paranoid they might lose it.

Love addiction forces you to do a lot of (auto) destructive things. Some say its one of the most common cause of cheating (a point I find debatable – but I digress). The other day someone told me he cheats because… “I want to prevent the pain of being alone. I hate my boyfriend for making me addicted to him”

The whole topic of love addiction is a rather complicated one. I am not professing to be a therapist but I do know a thing or two about love so take what you want from what I say.

Then there’s the perspective that love addict wants to control his boyfriend.

Actually, this is how love addicts control themselves, without even being aware of it. Control has various manifestations – possessiveness, stalking, censorship. It is hard to end a co-dependent love addicted relationship.

For some people it is easier to accept losing a good relationship than to recover from a bad one. “I am afraid to be happy without you” – he said.

Imagine a possessive guy in a relationship with a guy who needs to go on a business trip.  — You finish that story……

Dependent individuals have a hard time hanging onto emotional intimacy. To them a because physical presence is essential.  ‘don’t leave me’ –he said.

Romantic movies, books and love songs perpetuate the notion of love addiction. These romantic outlets provoke addiction. Do authors sublime their emotional instability or do they just recognize this problem and try to articulate it?

Love addicts can nurture their fantasies simply by listening to Adele’s songs. They think extreme symbiosis is normal phenomenon everyone should strive for.

A relationship between two people in which each person is dependent upon and receives reinforcement, whether beneficial or detrimental, from the other. – Extreme Symbiosis

  • Love Addicts hope that, one day, they will have their happy ending with someone who will never hurt them.
  • Melodrama, agony, pain and desires are what keeps an addict in a dependent relationship.

When a relationship is at the point when everything is stable the love addict feels there is no passion. That ‘It’s boring or the game is over’.

Most love addicts just repeat the dysfunctional pattern of searching for new exciting relationships. ‘He gets over his ex-boyfriend by changing the colour of his condoms. Some of them stay in unhappy relationships. Can’t live with you, can’t live without you. The truth is – they can’t live with themselves.

Some people don’t notice when they are in a co-dependent, unhealthy relationship. Many recognize it but don’t have the guts to admit it. Better a bad relationship than no relationship at all.

Why would someone decide to be in a suffocating relationship rather than to be alone? Well, because they don’t feel complete without the other. Because they use their partner as a prolongation of themselves.

There are some obvious signs of love addiction. For example – forgiving too much too soon. Not being able to forgive but staying in a relationship leads to nagging, torture and hate. Lingo also helps us detect emotional weakness. I would be lost without you. Nobody’s perfect but my partner. I am afraid to be happy without you.

Love addiction is as bad as other types of addictions.

Let’s compare it to drug addiction. A guy addicted to recreational substances usually doesn’t feel emotionally stable. He doesn’t have self-regulatory functions, and needs to consume something to feel whole. Drug addicts depend on external factors. When addicted to love, your boyfriend becomes a drug and that’s dangerous. For a co-dependent personality a breakup means distress of their identity and integrity. Addicts use manipulation and harmful behaviours to avoid a breakup.

If only our relationships were developing backwards.

  • Two people having terrible fights get to know each other less and less until they end up falling in love.
  • If your relationships ends and you are not able to let go in a reasonable manner then this may be a sign of love addiction. Loss is an unacceptable concept for the addict.

A balanced self-determined person experiences break pain no longer than six weeks. While an emotionally unstable and dependent person can suffer for years. Hoping their ex is going to come back. If I only didn’t do that, we would still be together. They might never realize that the blame is a broken time travel machine.

While the desire to love and be loved is normal, the intoxicating feeling of being “in love” can be addictive for some individuals. – Love Addiction Treatment

How to treat love addiction (oversimplified)

Building emotional stability and learning how to maintain healthy love is what’s going to break the cycle. Some people have epiphany, while others might need lots of psychotherapy. With the support of friends and family, love addict is going through some kind of an emotional experience correction.

 

Thoughts?

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience - Dan Trepanier

Dan Trepanier

Mentor Coach, ProudLife Mastery